Blog# Revision

In my revision of this essay, I think there are several places I need to fix. 

First of all, I should write a more creative hook. To be honest, I don’t think my hook is that bad. But when I look at Nina’s hook, I feel like the hook she wrote looks pretty attractive. As we all know, the good hook could attract reader’s attention and interests. Therefore, I need to thinking another more perfect start. 

In addition, I need to work on the words part. When I discuss my essay with my teacher, she told me that I wrote too many “it” in my body graph. I told her I don’t know how to change this kind of pronoun. She told me I could change sentence structure or find another word to instead. It is really helpful. So, I need to read whole essay again. And then account how many “it” I have. Then thing about how to fix it.  Also, I found some of grammar and spelling mistakes. I will correct those as well. 

Last but not least, I found that emotion is play an very important role in my essay. Since “ La Ba congee ” is my topic. I want readers not only understand what is “La Ba Congee”, but also want to have a try (I mean the food). One day, if they travel to China, I hope everyone could savor the flavor of each mouthful. So, I think the image-building is pretty important. Thus, I should fix it in this part.