in class writing

What did you change for Draft 2?

For draft 2, I changed five grammar mistakes,add more details and also clarify the thesis.

What do you think you need to work on for draft 3? 

For draft 3, I still have few things need to be change or improve. Such as grammar, words,syntacial structure,detail and title. 

Grammar: I will go to writing center during my free period to get some help. 

Words: I need to find stronger verb and and adjective.Like"some, really,a lot...."

Syntacial structure: selection of sentence structures and employment of rhetoric devices.

Detail: adding more details. 

Title: I have to think a attractive title. 

How can we face you, Mr camera? Draft 3

“Put the last one on that corner please.”

“Here?”

“Well, wait, move to the right, just a little bit.”

“Uh…here?”

“No no no, Mr Monahan, are you concentrated?  move to the right please! Not left, okay?”

“I’m sorry, it’s my bad. But.. I feel so tired right now, because I already installed 99 videos today.” 

“I know, but it is the last one, can you just insist one more minute?”

“Anyway, How about here?”

 “Let me see…good! excellent! Perfectibilité! !Everything is all set! Let’s go to morning meeting together, we should tell everybody this wonderful news!!”

Well, my dear readers, Let’s stop here and think about one question.

 “Do you think cheshire academy students will allow surveillance cameras appear in our campus?”

“ No? yes?” Well, I don’t know. But, If you ask me for the answer, I will say: “YES!” Since the cameras can help us to avoid thieves, protect public property and make students be more aware of following the rules. 

To begin with, placed surveillance cameras is a good way to avoid thieves. Take myself as an example: Last year, I chose tennis in spring season. Mrs Mauthe required us to wear T-shirt and sneaker when we do the sports.But I am a day student. I can’t take the cloth and shoes with me for a whole academic day, so I putted in the gym locker. However, After school when I open the locker, I can not found my T-shirt. That’s my favorite T-shirt, and it cost me over 500 dollars. I felt super upset and I told my adviser. She said she will help me to find, but finally I lost that T-shirt. If there were surveillance cameras in the gym, the thief might have been videoed for clues to find out. Therefore, I strongly suggest that we should have surveillance cameras in the campus. 

What’s more, It can also protect public property, because it is less likely for students to destroy public facilities when faculty is watching. For instanece, student center is a popular place in cheshire academy. Students love to go there because snake bar provide delicious desert;the sofa was clean and comfortable, and we also can play the table tennis with our friends. However, recently, The sofa is full of food residual, and the table is damaged by unknown people. In this case,if we install the surveillance camera in the campus, we can easily find the beaker and protect public property better.

According to a recent survey, compared with a notice board, a camera is far more effective in managing people's behavior. To take a daily phenomenon, wherever there is a notice of keeping off the grass, there are people treading on the grass on purpose, so it is in the school. However, when cameras are installed, the number of people who would step into the grass reduced. One of the reason for this is that the camera works as a policeman, one will not only feel afraid to behave bad in front of the police, also feel shame of being reported out. The function of the camera for keeping off the grass is the same as protecting public facilities, people will aways mind their behavior when there is an eye watch on them. 

Admittedly, many will claim them installing the cameras in public is against privacy. It watches us talk, walk, laugh, eat, etc. However, what is privacy? Privacy is the personal secret that has little to do with the public interest, it is the personal information, personal issues, space, etc. At some point, the cameras do watch what we are doing in public. However, we expose ourselves less in public since we separate the home and the public place in our consciousness. Therefore, we do little private things in public. 80 percent we do in public are things we are not mind of sharing, also, on the other hand, the people who in charge of the camera tapes will not reveal them on purpose, it is just in case of the event, and used for catching the people who make a crime. 

In conclusion, the cameras is good for watching the financial security, protecting the public property and controlling  students' behaviors. It is not used for peering people's privacy since if it were the use, the cameras will be installed in a secret place where is hard to notice. If the days when every one can live with the rules and laws comes, the cameras will find there way out of our sight. 

First draft

“Put the last one on that corner please.”

“Here?”

“Well, wait, move to the right, just a little bit.”

“Uh…here?”

“No no no, Mr Monahan, are you concentrated?  move to the right please! Not left, okay?”

“I’m sorry, it’s my bad. But.. I feel so tired right now, because I already installed 99 videos today.” 

“I know, but it is the last one, can you just insist one more minute?”

“Anyway, How about here?”

 “Let me see…good! excellent! Perfectibilité! !Everything is all set! Let’s go to morning meeting together, we should tell everybody this wonderful news!!”

Well, my dear readers, Let’s stop here and think about one question.

 “Do you think cheshire academy students will allow surveillance cameras appear in our campus?”

“ No? yes?” Well, I don’t know. But, If you ask me for the answer, I will say: “YES!” Since the cameras can help us to avoid thieves, protect public property and enhance students’ behavior. 

To begin with, placed surveillance cameras is a good way to avoid thieves. Take myself as an example: Last year, I chose tennis in spring season. Mrs  Mauthe required us to wear T-shirt and sneaker when we do the sports.But I am a day student. I can’t take the cloth and shoes with me for a whole academic day, so I putted in the gym locker. However, After school, when I open the locker, I can not found my T-shirt. That’s my favorite T-shirt, and it cost me 500 dollars. I felt super sad and I told my adviser. She said she will help me to find, but finally I lost that T-shirt. If there were surveillance cameras, the thief might have been videoed for clues to find out. Therefore, I strongly suggest that we should have surveillance cameras in the campus. 

What’s more, It can also protect public property, because it is less likely for students to destroy public facilities when faculty is watching. According to a recent survey, compared with a notice board, a camera is far more effective in managing people's behavior. To take a daily phenomenon, wherever there is a notice of keeping off the grass, there are people treading on the grass on purpose, so it is in the school. However, when cameras are installed, the number of people who would step into the grass reduced. One of the reason for this is that the camera works as a policeman, one will not only feel afraid to behave bad in front of the police, also feel shame of being reported out. The function of the camera for keeping off the grass is the same as protecting public facilities, people will aways mind their behavior when there is an eye watch on them. 

Admittedly, many will claim them installing the cameras in public is against privacy. It watches us talk, walk, laugh, eat, etc. However, what is privacy? Privacy is the personal secret that has little to do with the public interest, it is the personal information, personal issues, space, etc. At some point, the cameras do watch what we are doing in public. However, we expose ourselves less in public since we separate the home and the public place in our consciousness. Therefore, we do little private things in public. 80 percent we do in public are things we are not mind of sharing, also, on the other hand, the people who in charge of the camera tapes will not reveal them on purpose, it is just in case of the event, and used for catching the people who make a crime. 

In conclusion, the cameras is good for watching the financial security, protecting the public property and controlling  students' behaviors. It is not used for peering people's privacy since if it were the use, the cameras will be installed in a secret place where is hard to notice. If the days when every one can live with the rules and laws comes, the cameras will find there way out of our sight. 

In class writing

Dear Rebecca, 

I was super glad that we went to Los Angeles and Las vegas together during the spring break. We truly had a great time there because of the delicious buffet, nice weather, beauteous scenery…everything was wonderful. However, I can not bear to see you late again.

You are my best friend in Cheshire academy, because we have been friends since I was eight years old. I am jealous of our Platonic friendship, and I know that you are the person who will stay loyal to me and always be there for me, you trust and support me in any situation.Well, for all this I have only you to thank.Nevertheless, there was certain things you does that drive me mad. 

Do you remember March 14? we decided to see David Copperfield ’s magic show at 9:30 pm. So, we bought the tickets together one days ago. After dinner, you went back to hotel again, but I already remind you that the show was going to begin soon;and you spent a lot of time in your room and you also bought a drink in Starbucks.We has been waiting for you in the lobby nearly 40 minute.Finally, just because your unpunctuality, we were late for the show about one hours.  

Can you imagine how angry I am? You know that, David Copperfield is my favorite magician. Just because him, I spent 200 dollars in order to choose a best seat. You know that, right? so, why? why you always late???( because it is not your first time late for our appointment) I am not even kidding, I wanted to fight with you at that time, and I would sooner give up our friendship than miss my favorite magic show!

All in all, for the trustworthy,I think it is important.Since you must have faith.So when you have an appointment,you have to be there on time.If you really can't go,you should call in advance to inform him or her.If it is not time, you should also be afterwards in the apology to him.Anyway, this time, you really touch my baseline, I will  ignore you unless you ask for forgiveness and promise me you will never be late.

Yours 

Jennifer 

Spelling Bee!

Have you ever seen a musical show called “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee?”If the answer is “Yes!” 

Congratulations!!

 Since this was the most fantastic show I ever seen in Cheshire academy. The most essential things I would like to say was that I felt so happy became one of the actor in this show.Not only because the play was prevailing, but also I received a wonderful experience. 

Three month ago, I was super vexed because I don't know what kind of sports I should choose in the winter. Coach Hunter told me I have to pick a competitive activity. But I really was a “sports idiot”, and I do not  want to do any tired sport.At that time, My friend Rebecca recommend “drama” for me, because it seems a relaxed option. I imaged that I can spent my lovely afternoon at home and watched soap opera on my bed. I don’t have to put a lot of effort into drama, just do what ever I want. However, I changed my attitude when I first meet my perfect drama partners. They are pretty positive,adorable and easygoing. I love all of them! To be honest, at first, I don’t know anyone in the drama, they seems strange to me, and I afraid to talk with them. So, most of time I probably will seat by my own. But after we got know each other, I found that they are really helpful and nice to me. Take Miriam for example,before the first show begin. Everyone was doing the make up. I don't know how to use eyeliner line my eyes, and then Miriam came to me and help me to draw the eye line.At that moment, I felt a wave of happiness flooded me. All in all, I harvested many friends by this great experience. 

what’s more, I wanted to talk about my favorite characters—Leaf Coneybear,even though I don’t have chance to watch a complete show. The one of the reason I chose her because I play Leaf Coneybear's younger sister— “brook” in the spelling bee.Which means in some cases, we are sister! Another equally important reason was that actually this was a pretty challenge role, since the actor must totally released herself into the ‘real’ character. She really did a excellent job. 

Besides the actors, I would like to say that musical also was a shining point in this particular show. We practiced the song over and over again. Especially “Pandemonium"and “The Twenty-Fifth Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee”.What’s more, I wanted to gratitude the accompanists. Although they did not show up on the stage, their practiced for more than three weeks; and finally they interacted closely with us so as to finish the wonderful drama show.

Last but not least, I really wanted to thanks Ms.G( drama adviser). She was a responsible teacher I ever met. I remembered once, she got a really bad sick. I thought she probably will stay home for two or three days to have a rest. But she still persisted show up in the black box and take notes for all of us. 

To sum up, There was not double that it was a perfect show, and I wanted to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart.